Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Holy shit dude........stairs
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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