Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So here I am, sexting at work.
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