She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize