she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
