Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I want her autograph on my taint
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
