she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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