I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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