D3 body, D1 cock
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
