From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
