I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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