She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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