thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
