in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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