When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
