No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
