Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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