Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
