I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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