I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
