Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
