YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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