Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
