Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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