know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
