im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
