Swine flu. Run for my life!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
