Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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