and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
