She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he thought i was a dude.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
