I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
