We should be called the Road Head Warriors
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
