I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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