And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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