the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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