You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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