I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it hurts more in the daytime
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
