One girl and one boy is just not enough.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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