Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
