i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
