Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
