ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
