I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
