well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
