I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
