sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
