No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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