He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
