Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
