my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
