She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
