: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
