I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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