I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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