He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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