My underwear smells like fireworks.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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