We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
