That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
