That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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