he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
