Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize