you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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