Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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