Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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