I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
