I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
