Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
