Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
