this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
