my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
